Teenagers and Solo Mama
July 31, 2008
I often receive questions about raising teenagers as a single parent. A teenager was seemingly not performing well in school work despite mama making different attempts to offer tuition help. This single mom also experienced difficulty and frustration as she does not have a lot of time to check on his school work as she needs to work overtime and sometimes comes home late. On top of this, the teenager son does not seem to be responding to mom's effort of reaching out to help.
This first thing that I would l like to say to mama is to be gentle and patient with yourself. You have come a long way in bringing up your children on your own while carrying on with a professional life at work. You have made conscious effort to give the best to your teenager and are trying to raise him in the best way you know how.
I would like to invite you to celebrate who you are and what you have accomplished. Know that each day you have the opportunities to learn new lessons as you are presented with new challenges of a growing teenager at home!
Know also that you cannot control your children, especially your teenagers! However, you can begin to influence them if you create a level of mutual trust and respect for them. This is so important today as teenagers are influenced by the people they chat with on the internet, the blog posts they read, the social networking group they join, the media and their peers.
I may not have teenagers but I was once a teenager and I can remember how difficult a time it was for me, my siblings and my mom:
- I think communication is one of the keys to solving any relationship issues. We want to let our teenagers know we are open and ready to talk (or better still listen) and be there for them. We want to be alert when they do not talk to us for long periods of time
- If you suspect something is not right, seek to understand, ask but not push for answers. Let us remember that teenagers need approval and encouragement, they want to know that we are happy when they do or made effort
- We also want to be careful that we don't punish them for being honest with us, as they open up themselves; otherwise they will end up keeping secrets from us. We want our teenagers to be honest with us so we know what is going on in their world in order that we may help keep them out of dangers and troubles
- Your teenagers know all about your hot buttons! When you all stressed out and tensed, they would not want to be near you nor open up to you. When you are relaxed and centred, your teenagers can sense that and you are in a more conducive environment for open connection.
- You don’t have much time to spend with your children as you need to work and take care of house chores, but if you can set the intention for a more relaxed, open and trusting environment with the children, the relationship can take another step forward. Try this and see what results your get.
Do be patient though; this is a marathon and not a 100-meter dash.
I’m A Single Mom; These Are My Shoes …
July 26, 2008
I woke up with anticipation this morning; today I get to interview Beth. Beth started a personal blog about her challenges and learning as a mother taking care of herself and her daughter so she can offer encouragement to other single moms who are also walking the path of single motherhood.
I have been communicating with Beth this past while, reading her blog here. We have been exchanging thoughts and views and I was looking forward to getting to know her a little better and to see what lessons we can learn from each other.
Due to our time differences, and because we try to cater to audience joining us from different parts of the world we are trying to hold the live seminar at a time where most single moms will be will able to join us. However, we find that we don’t have a lot of choices as we need to factor in our time zone difference, hours when Beth will be at work and time when little Grace will be around and awake and will want to join in the conversation!
And so Beth came up with the brilliant idea of a pre-recorded laser coaching session which we can then play back during the live session. It just goes to show that when we set our hearts on doing something, there is always a way; we just need to exercise our creativity a little bit. Fortunately, technology supports this and after some initial experimentation and fumbling I think we have got that under control.
And as I play back the recording of our conversation to myself, I am amazed at how much we both managed to cover in that short time. What Beth would like as a support structure is really quite straight forward and practical.
Who would have thought that it is not so difficult to reach out and support single moms. Single moms are not asking for things that others cannot do nor provide. If you join us for the live call, you will get to hear of the one thing that most single moms would like to have as support from those around them.
In a moment I saw the importance of seeing things from others’ persective. This is not new knowledge and I am shown again that my initial assumption of what single moms look for may not be what is on their minds. How easy it is for me to see things my way, and how easy it is to see this as sometimes the better way!
How would things be difference if we learn to be in the shoes of others more often and learn to perceive the world from the eyes of others?
I come away from the session telling myself that I want to make this an exercise this week: that I would take a step back and try for just one week to see situations from the eyes of the person I am in contact with. So I will take down my own glasses with its particular taint and prescriptions and put on the glasses of those around me. I wonder how this world look like this week?
Moms and Online Safety For Children
July 25, 2008
With easy access to the internet, children today can visit any site of their choice in their quest for knowledge and to fulfil the ever growing appetite for curiosity, not knowing that danger lurks behind seemingly friendly people they find in chat rooms.
Perpetrators seek to lure children away from their parents and their normal life as a child. As you are busy catching up with housework or running errands, your children could be facing some real danger in your very home.
I have included a free report that can help parents monitor and safe guard Online Safety For Children. This report will show you valuable tips on how to protect your children from online predators.
This online safety report will help parents identify:
o Early Warning Signs
o Monitoring and Protection Software
o Identity Theft
o Tips to Avoid Sexual Predators
o The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA)
o Social Networking Safety
o Additional Rule for Child Safety Online
o Privacy Policy
o Spyware and Malware
However, this report is only made available to those who sign up for the tele-seminars. We will be have more to share on this topic later, in the mean time I hope you will find the report helpful.
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