As I was going through my journal this week I came across this coaching tool which I researched on and designed for my paper; a tool I call “Confronting Versus Avoiding”.
The experiences this past week help me see the importance of confronting once again; a timely tool to address the issue of being authentic and transparent.
When we are faced with challenges, mistakes, limitations, uncertainties, fears, doubts or new ventures, we have two choices: we can either confront the issues or we can avoid it and play the denial and blame game.
And we often don’t confront the issues because we want to avoid the uncomfortable, the inconvenient and the challenging.
We avoid by pretending that the issues do not exist or we conceal and cover up the issues or worse yet we make excuses and come up with stories so convincing to ourselves that we do not need to face the truth. We bury the issues under the cloaks of pretense, denial, justification and put on a “all is well” front.
When we do that, we are cheating ourselves of the freedom to be who we can be, we are compromising our greater and true self for a moment of arrogance and foolishness. And if we allow those around us to do that then we are not serving their best interests either.
Confronting does not have to be fierce nor rough. It is standing in front of issues and facing them. Know however that:
- Confronting issues moves us forward; avoiding issues keep us exactly where we are.
- Confronting issues illumines, reveals and conquer; avoiding issues conceals and hides.
- Confronting issues empowers us; avoiding issues dis-empowers us.
- Confronting issues is on the offense and helps us gain new ground. Avoiding issues is defensive. We lose grounds as we back away and shrink from attending to the issues at hand. We withdraw into the familiar comfort zone for safety and stagnation.
How many times have we held back the truth because it was inconvenient to do otherwise? “You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say”.
How many times have we said one thing and meant/did another? “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”
When you are in business, the truth will find you out slowly but surely. Clients value integrity and congruence and they will only come to you if then can sense authenticity and integrity.
On a personal front, denial and avoidance will cost you your true self, it will eat you up. You will suffer low self-esteem; tension and emotional stress will accumulate and you do not want that to happen.
If we play the avoidance and denial game, we will shrink into oblivion in purpose, mission and self-worth in our own eyes.
Do not rob yourself of the chance to live free, powerful and authentic. Be the great person that you are meant to be.
We are all imperfect beings on our journey of growth.
Yet we require of ourselves and our friends transparency and perfection in intent and effort. There are many times I rather sit back and not stand in front of issues, yet I cannot and I must not; for others as well as for myself.
Awareness is the first step to transformation and unless we accept and admit that we need to move forward; transformation and transition can not take place. What choices will you make today?
“If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.” ~Alan Simpson
Photo credite: gpetrequin