We see brides dreaming of a life long relationship with their partners as they walk down the aisle and make their vow to a life time of commitment. Feelings grow through the years and the relationship matures and flourishes. Yet somewhere down the road, you may be hit with the harsh reality that the marriage may be heading in the wrong direction.
The question I am asked is how do you let go of feelings that you have for your husband or partners when you have put in all your heart, soul and emotions into the relationship over the years, and especially when you thought that the relationship will be for life? How can you move on?
First of all, I acknowledge your determination to move on. Letting go is the first step, moving forward is the next. But wait, before that I have a few questions for you to consider:
Question 1 – What Are You Letting Go Of? What feelings do you want to let go of? Why would you want to let go of that? Are you also letting go of the need to control the situation at hand? You do recognize that there are things (events) that are outside of your control. Clinging onto it will not make the event move in the way you want
Question 2 – What Else Have You Been Clinging Onto That Needs Releasing? Could there be some clinging on for financial security? Or emotional dependence? Social pressure? Are those included in what you would want to let go?
Question 3 – What Are You Wanting To Move Towards? What is the goal and direction you want to move towards? Is that clear to you at this point in time?
Question 4 – What Are Some Things You Can Do To Have That Clarity? Especially if the goal and direction is not clear to you at this time. How can you gain clarity of what you want for your life and your children's lives?
Question 5 – How Are You Going To Let Go And Move In The Direction You Desire? What does letting go involve? What thoughts do you need to have? What actions would you need to take? What choices will you make?
Question 6 – Where Will You Find Ongoing Support? Who will have your best interest at heart to be there for you as you make this move? How are you going to tap into the support system? What structures do you need to set up to ensure the greatest success in this venture?
Question 7 – Why Would You Want To Move Towards That Goal? What is the purpose of doing that? What will you gain? What are you seeking? What is it that you really really want?
My encouragement to you is not to rush into any decision or action if there is no clarity. Take time to get in touch with your true and inner self. If you have clarity on what you want then the next step will be to take action towards implementation. But first the clarity, then the goal and the action plan. My heart goes out to you and please let me know if you would like us to go through some of the above questions together in search of clarity and action plan.
Thank you for your comments Yoot Wong and Yat Yee, much appreciated.
YES, TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOUR CLARITY, GOAL AND ACTION PLAN…. But I feel there should be another step right at the beginning and that is “DO NOTHING, LET YOUR CONFUSED, CLUSTERED BRAIN GOES BLANK AND LET YOUR HURTING HEART HEALS ITSELF”. I really hope someone in trouble will get the ball rolling in search of clarity and action plan, I’m sure there are tons of questions…….
This is a difficult and heart-wrenching subject. Thank you for approaching it in an understanding and encouraging manner.