Do You Tend and Befriend?

OK I realize that I had not writing the past few weeks!
And all that family gathering and celebration has been great and I am aching to get back in the groove of things.

Recently, I received two invitations to speak in July.
The interesting thing is that they both fall on the same day.
They are both from women associations. 
The topic are also similar – about relationships in the family.
And of course they are also both to be delivered in Mandarin.

I guess I cannot really generalize from this experience but it does seem that the women are in general more aware of the need to address issues of relationships, at least in the Chinese community of Malaysia.

In recent Coffee Talks, the conversations revolved around stress caused by relationship with the father, the mother, the spouse and yes the children.  Yes, these are women with adult children who we are still stressed out by relationship tensions in the family.

While the boys are feeling the heat with increasing performance demand at work in this economic condition the girls seem to be more affected by relationships issue perhaps also indirectly brought about by the current economic situation.

If it is not relationship with the family then it is with the employer or clients or business partners.  This network of people in their lives seem to give the byproduct of potential angst!

While some chose to internalize the tensions and emotions others are avoiding the issue, pretending that they do not exist.  Yet others want to confront the issues but they do not know how or where to start.

The good old fight or flight response still holds true today. Yet there is another theory that now suggests that women tend to deal with stress by taking care of their loved ones, or by leaning on a friend or family member for support.  Dr Shelly E. Taylor, PhD, a distinguished professor in the department of psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles calls this the tend and befriend strategy.

Dr Taylor finds that women often seek support to talk out the emotional experience, to process what is happening and what might be done.

Men seem to deal with stress in a different way. Whatever way we choose to use, you want to have those stress under control.  If left unchecked, the internalizing of these stress will lead to health issues such as lethargy, insomnia, high blood pressure exhaustion and ill health

So what stresses you out?
How do you intend to deal with that?

Every 4th week of the month we have an open house, a sneak preview for the public to join in the Coffee Talk.  You are invited to come join us from the comfort of your home.  Just registered here and you will be given details of the free call. If you are experiencing relationships and emotional stress, we want to get these out of our systems! 

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4 comments on “Do You Tend and Befriend?

  1. Stress has become a normal ambiance of life. Rarely when you find one who is not under stress from one thing or another. To fight stress, I think one should specify the issues that cause that stress and then somehow look at each issue separately from other issues. Although all issues are interconnected, breaking the circle would be a good place to start. My stress results from individuals that do not stick to their responsibilities and need to be reminded of it all the time and need continuous follow up even on trifle matters.

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